I am not sure what adventurous person first had the idea of putting someone else’s genitalia in their mouth, but I for one believe this person deserves a very large muffin basket. This person’s clear disregard for sanitation and the potential for pink eye has served the world’s community in a manner paralleled only by the invention of the wheel.  It is like an arousing massage for your genitals.  For those of you who are not even sure how to pronounce the word fellatio (fel-A-sheo) let alone perform it, please continue reading.

1. Just as they tell runners and women in labor, do not forget to breathe. There is usually a lot to pay attention to south of the border, and you need to master when to take a breath in order to be able to run the whole 5k.  When it comes to actually taking that breath through your nose, use some common sense.  Do you really want to do that as close as possible to something that has been trapped between a pair of sweaty thighs for the last eight hours? Probably not. So give yourself a buffer of a couple of inches, or more if you are lucky, and take that breath up at the top before diving back down. Gynophiles, your organ of interest is located near the top, so this is less of an issue for you.  However, when exhaling, your nose is very close so please do it gently.  No lady wants turbulence down there.

2. I have heard many people express apprehension and fear when it comes to taste. I have also known many people who eat their weight in pineapple thinking it will make their love juice taste more like piña colada and less like curdled milk.  Please, put the tropical fruit down—all it will do is help prevent scurvy.  However, there is a correlation between what you put in your mouth and what you put in someone else’s mouth.  The healthier and more natural the food you eat, the less spunky your spunk will taste.  So now you have two reasons for picking a salad over that double quarter pounder with cheese.  If you are still not a fan of the taste after their diet of vegetables and natural proteins, just do not do it.  After all, there are a hundred ways to skin a cat.

3. Enjoy yourself.  Do not think about whether or not you finished your pre-quiz for CHE 322.  Think about it like giving presents.  Getting a present that someone is excited to give you is much more enjoyable. This works the same way.

4. Pick up an anatomy book.  While the entire vicinity is extra sensitive, there are some parts that are more sensitive than others.  Ex: the perineum.  If that is a new word for you, further research is in order.

5. This does not need to be a strictly oral endeavor.  Get creative with your hands.  They can help cover some ground. Explore the surrounding area, or detour north. Regardless, let them do some exploring.