As is the coveted tradition of your fine campus newspaper, The Statesman asked the Stony Brook University community to peel back the layers of their love lives for our annual Sex and Relationships special issue. This year, we chose to focus on what characteristics constitute healthy and unhealthy relationships. After combing through the answers — and subsequently washing out our eyes — here are the results: 

Demographics: 

Out of all our respondents, 50.5% were female, 42.1% were male and 6.3% were non-binary. For the one person who said they identified as a Stealth Bomber Fighter, we respect your right to identify however you wish — though we do have several questions.

14.9% of respondents were freshmen, 14.9% were sophomores, 31.9% were juniors and 24.5% were seniors. Another 9.6% were graduate students. To our U3 friends, we appreciate your openness! 

50.5% of respondents were straight, 28.4% were bisexual and 9.5% were gay. To our one respondent who said they were “gay in denial,” we assure you that our campus is very queer-friendly. 

Body Count:
People love to debate on whether body count has any serious value; as the voice of Stony Brook, our reporters are here to get answers to these important questions!

The majority of respondents said that they only had sex with one person — so not too frisky (yet). The second most common answer was zero. 

Some of you clearly have more experience in the bedroom than others. One person wrote that they have had sex with a whopping 79 different people; you have game. Some said that they lost count (respectable). To the one person who wrote “Five big c**** one little c*** and twelve c**** and a lot of t***,” you’ve certainly piqued our interest. 

When did you lose your V-card?

The most common age you guys started to have sex was 18, though one person lost their virginity as early as 13 (don’t worry, we don’t judge). Plenty of you also decided it was time to start getting frisky between the ages of 15-17. And to those who haven’t lost it yet, don’t stress! Everyone starts at a different time.

Sex Locations:

What locations have Stony Brook students decided to get down and dirty in? According to our data, community members have gotten frisky from tens of thousands of feet in the air to alternate realities. Here are some of our favorite responses:

• “bedroom of an airbnb while their entire extended family was there WITH THE DOOR OPEN. DURING THE DAY. someone walked by while they were blowing me LMAOOO”
• “A barn … woods … my old office after-hours … a janitor’s closet … a bathroom … the ocean … hmm, where to start?”
• “In the 4th dimension so it wasn’t visible to anyone nor were there any other participants but trust me it was cool”
• “E.C.C and lot 40” (Reporter’s Note: as a journalism student who spends a lot of time in the Educational Communications Center making television news shows, I have a few questions.)
• “airplane”
• “Mum and dads bed”
• “Gender neutral bathroom in Melville”
• “Out the trunk of my car behind a warehouse”
• “Probably a janitor’s closet (he walked in [on] us, slow-clapped, and left)”
• “In the indoor pool during class”
• “Find God bro”

Favorite Sex Position:

Our Seawolves gave us the dirt on their favorite sex positions in the bedroom. We got the classic responses — missionary, doggy and cowgirl — but you all provided us with some new ones: 

• “Prone bone”
• “Forward-facing chair sex, and as someone with a ~clitoris~, ‘Forbidden Fruit’”
• “When my legs are over his shoulders”
• “Princess treatment”
• “Face riding”
• “I got that dawg in me”
• “She riding with her feet on the bed in squat kind of position, I swear I’m about to give her kids every time”

What makes a healthy relationship? 

You all gave us some perspectives on what you think a healthy relationship looks like. We largely agree:

• “Honest communication, independence, thoughtfulness and consistent effort”
• “A partner who understands you and is willing to listen/actively listens to your wants and needs. Respects boundaries. Will go out of his way to do anything for you”
• “Clear communication, patience, kindness, honesty, reciprocal compromise, NO GASLIGHTING OR MANIPULATION BOOO”
• “Plenty of f****** sex”
• “Being there for each other and understanding each others needs”
• “Mutual respect, supporting each other, good communication, spending time together and having lives outside the relationship too”

What makes an unhealthy relationship?

On the flip side, we asked you Seawolves what gives you the “ick,” or what makes a relationship unhealthy. Here’s what our responders said:

• “Any kind of emotional or physical abuse, such as telling you he wouldn’t love you if you were a worm”
• “Lack of communication, constant fighting, feeling hopeless, insecure, not being able to fully trust that person”
• “Failing to be a proper equivalence relationship”
• “Triple texting, no thank you”
• “Controlling and toxic behaviors like having sex after fights — it becomes an unhealthy cycle”
• “Idk”
• “LITTLE C***”
• “See above”

What’s your red flag?

The Statesman also asked our respondents to do some self-reflection and confess their biggest red flag. Fortunately for our survey-takers, admitting flaws is often one of the first and most important steps to take in order to fix them. Here are some of our favorite responses:

• “I think I don’t express myself as much as I should, like I have a ‘relationship’ persona that isn’t reflective of who I actually am”
• “I am clingy and I need a lot of validation”
• “i hate men”
• “When I am emotionally overwhelmed, I tend to shut down and hide in isolation”
• “Probably being out of pocket”
• “my inability to let people go, while also being unapologetically quick to throw people out of my life”
• “Filling out this survey at 4:30 am”
• “Using R over Python” 
• “Still friends with too many FWBs”
• “I’m very clingy and protective”
• “no friends”

Most romantic thing to happen to you?

To end on a lighter note, we asked our readers what the most romantic thing to happen to them was. Whether it’s being serenaded by a saxophone or being saved from a tree, these answers proved that maybe the hopeless romantics on campus do have a chance!

• “My boyfriend told me on our first date that 50 years from now, we’d be like the old married couple that was standing 100 yards away from us on the beach”
• “When I came home, she had prepared a whole little surprise: everything was clean, there were petals on the bed, and love notes on the mirrors. Candles were everywhere, and she was wearing a new outfit and cooking something that ended up being delicious. This moment happened 7 months ago, but I remember every second of it, and will until I die”
• “Gf made a framed collage of some of our dates for Valentine’s Day”
• “They brought me soup, garlic knots, and cake pops and sat with me while I was sick even though they worked all day and it was late”
• “We fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms. it was just a normal afternoon, but i think of that day often. i have never felt so close to another person before”
• “Took a girl out on a date in the complex plane, unfortunately she was imaginary”

To wrap this whole thing up, we at The Statesman found this experience to be very enlightening. While some of your responses gave us hope that true love isn’t dead, others are forcing us to recommend therapy. Luckily for you, Counseling and Psychological Services provides six free sessions per semester for every Stony Brook undergraduate. We strongly encourage you guys to look into it. Mental health is important!