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The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

Stony Brook University students at graduation in 2010. Stony Brook students graduate May 24, 2019. STATESMAN FILE

The Onion Bagel: Congratulations graduates, get ready for the real world

Aaron San Jose May 5, 2019
Congrats Class of 2019, you’re done. The nightmares have stopped, you can sleep again.
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People at a Target on Thanksgiving night Nov. 22 2012 in Highland, Indiana.   DIARIOCRITICO DE VENEZUELA/FLICKR VIA CC BY 2.0

The Onion Bagel: What good is Thanksgiving anyways?

Mike Adams November 19, 2018
Thanksgiving is a time-honored American tradition that harkens back to the best this country has to offer. Compassion, family and whitewashing genocide — the very pillars of our national identity come to the forefront on the fourth Thursday of November.
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The Onion Bagel: Elevating your elevator conduct

Mike Adams November 11, 2018
Onion Bagel's top tips on surviving and thriving on the cramped elevators all over campus. From threats to murder plans, the Onion Bagel guarantees you a spot on these tight metal closets.
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Pills and money 

The Onion Bagel: Campus Adderall dealer stressed out for midterms

Mike Adams October 25, 2018
The Onion Bagel's exclusive interview with Francis Humberdink, the most prolific Adderall dealer. Midterms have been rough on him due to high demand.
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Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos (right) meets with Howard University President Wayne A.I. Frederick (left) on Feb. 9. US DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION/FLICKR VIA CC BY 2.0

A week in the life of new biology professor, Betsy DeVos

Emily Benson February 19, 2017
DeVos told us that she found a better textbook more suitable for our class. IT’S THE BIBLE.
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Ice cream overlords hiding the truth of global cooling

Skyler Gilbert November 9, 2015
Folks, we are on the verge of perhaps the greatest environmental catastrophe of our lifetimes: Global cooling.
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