Statistics show that one in five women will be the victim of sexual assault in their college careers. Now, for those that don’t believe in statistics, think of that as a modest number based on research available, which is limited in itself, to be frank. Sexual assault, rape, harassment etc. is a serious issue on many campuses, and unfortunately Stony Brook is not exempt from this.

Why is sexual assault such a big concern that goes largely unnoticed constantly across the country? Our culture not only accepts sexual assault as a common occurrence, but it also does nothing to discourage it among young male adults.

That might be an outrageous statement, but what’s even more disgraceful is the lack of understanding and the stigma that surround sexual assault cases and what the media choose to divulge about certain ones.

What people don’t seem to realize is that, when a women suffers through the stress of either a rape or sexual assault, the symptoms exhibited are similar to that of post-traumatic stress disorder including flashbacks, constant fear, anxiety and possible depression. The act of coming forward and admitting what has happened has the potential to be such a harrowing experience that most women say nothing at all, often putting the blame on themselves.

When a woman does come forward, she is usually met with  such disregard, blame and even animosity that there is no reason to go all the way to press charges or even get a rape kit done.

The media, however, have a tendency to highlight cases where the woman is either blamed for the instance or was lying all along, simply wanting to “seek revenge” on the alleged rapist for separate, personal matters.

When people see these particular cases, it becomes lodged into their minds that if a girl comes forward, she must be lying and is therefore labeled a “whore,” “bitch” or “slut.” Apparently, if a girl dresses a certain way, she must have wanted to have sex, or else, why be so flirtatious? (This, by the way, is sarcasm, for those that read that and thought “Yeah, definitely.”  Seek help.)

What is this “blame the victim” mentality and from where does it stem from? Could it be that our culture appreciates a woman who is beautiful more than a woman who is intelligent?

If a woman does something that men do not like, why is she labeled a “dumb bitch,” even by other women? Hate to break it to some men out there, but if a girl doesn’t want to date you, calling her names isn’t going to make you more likeable.

No one can doubt that there are certain expectations and stereotypes attributed to each sex from the moment we ask a pregnant woman, “Is it a boy or a girl?” Why is it that a man who sleeps with several women is a “pimp” or “player,” proving his masculinity with every lay, while a woman that sleeps with just as many men is called a “whore” or “easy”?

There are certain facts associated with sexual assault that are often ignored or misunderstood. If a woman is sexually assaulted, the odds are very likely that she knows the assailant and has known them for quite some time. Being in a relationship or marriage also does not justify rape or assault. When a woman says the word “no,” it does not mean “Keep trying,” or “I really want to sleep with you; I just don’t want to come off as easy.” The absence of “yes” also does not mean “go ahead,” and the presence of alcohol doesn’t excuse anyone either, because, according to the law, (and yes, there are laws about this), consent cannot be given under intoxication.

So whose fault is it that the statistics for women being assaulted is so high (and remember, it’s a modest statistic at best)?

Is it the women who dress in a certain manner and might have a history of enjoying the company of men, or is it the men who might not even know the definition of sexual assault, yet constantly make their dates, girlfriends or one -night-stands feel unsafe because their advances are forceful enough to suggest that, if they don’t get what they want, things might take a turn for the worse?

Even many sexual assault prevention techniques focus on women, going through scenarios and situations dealing with how not to get raped, which might discuss things like, “Don’t dress provocatively.” Why should women be warned against rape when men aren’t warned not to rape? It seems to me that, if women are the ones suffering for actions at the hands of men, that blame should mostly be put on men.

I realize this is a bold idea, and there are cases where men are victims, but if men stopped raping, the numbers would become a lot less drastic.

This is  as much a man’s issue as it is a woman’s issue, and while it’s true that most men do not rape, few are innocent in how they treat women, talk about women and view them in everyday life.

So, come on men, who is masculine enough to take responsibility for how they treat women, the words they use to describe them and overall cultural expectations about taking a girl out to dinner and expecting something in return? Ready to be real men?