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The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman


    Why I Love Being Single

    Single life is so great. I may not have realized that until recently, when I saw two people who graduated from high school with me who were married shortly after finishing high school. They used to always be together, being real high school sweethearts.

    As cliched as that sounds, that is what they were. My memories of them throughout high school are bittersweet, since I was single for almost all of my teenage, high school experience. How I envied them, how close they were, or at least how close they seemed to be, in the eyes of an outsider. Holding hands, finishing each other’s sentences all the time, going to all the dances together, taking the same classes, and practically never straying from the other’s side.

    I have to admit that I was even more immensely jealous of them when they became engaged, since they seemed to be practically joined at the hip all through high school and they seemed to be meant to be for each other. I wished at the time of their announced betrothal that I would have someone for me one day like that. Not necessarily meaning that I wanted to be married at seventeen, eighteen, or even nineteen.

    No, I wanted a guy to be my boyfriend who would be there for me as much as he was for her. She never seemed lonely, or without a date. I was shy at the time when I was in high school, despite appearances to the contrary. Guys later on would tell me that they wanted to go out with me but were too afraid that I was not going to be interested in them. When prodded further, these guys, these almost suitors, most would tell me that I was either too beautiful for them, (an idea that shocked me because I often felt as an adolescent that I was ugly, acne-faced, and awkward, which in retrospect is how many teenagers feel ) or that I was too smart (I excelled in science, history and economics, subjects traditionally guys are only supposed to be good at, so I am not surprised if I intimidated them).

    A guy or two would say that I was too much of a tomboy for them, but more guys than not liked the fact that I’m not much of a girly-girl. Now, four years later, I have found out that that happy couple I mentioned earlier has since divorced. (They recently ended their marriage for irreconcilable differences, something that can be expected if you and your significant other marry as teenagers, according to sociologists. After all, can you possibly be the same person at twenty one as you were at seventeen?

    It’s possible for such an early marriage to work out, but it is not likely according to sociologists who study the societal institutions of marriage and family for a living.) When I heard the news, I couldn’t help but remember how they broadcast their engagement by telling their classmates and friends and publishing an announcement in local papers to let even more people know. I could not help but wonder why I was so jealous of them in the first place. I should not have expected that they were going to be a perfect couple, but then again, so did other people who thought that they would have such a fairy tale married existence.

    Our society promotes such delusions; no one ever publishes any announcements when people become single. Is it such a bad thing to be single? If I could, I would call up Newsday and declare that I should have a celebratory announcement for the fact that I am single. But if I were to do that, they would think I was either crazy or some radical feminist bent on mocking the institution of marriage. I would be, in a way, making fun of the concept of having marriage announcements in New York Times’ Styles section like the gloriously single Carrie Bradshaw and her group of friends did on the now syndicated television show Sex and the City.

    So it actually is not an idea exclusive to me as a way to say, ‘I deserve to shout to the world that I am not engaged to anyone, not getting married to anyone at any time soon’. Being married is something I do hope to achieve as a life goal, but not now. Probably when I am thirty, maybe even a little older. When I am ready to be a wife, I’ll know it.

    Just because I am feeling frustrated that I have not had a date in a few months, due to busyness and mediocre selections of guys does not mean I have to get desperate to get married, or even have a boyfriend. I used to have one, but the joys of being with him, being seen as a couple, soon became outnumbered by my desires for independence and my need for self-respect. It feels nice to not be part of a couple anymore; at times I miss having someone there in that capacity but now I know that single life is really the life for me.

    How ironic it is though that now that I am single, I have found out that a guy who I have had feelings for a while for now is in a relationship himself but has feelings for me too. That is the one bad thing about being single-once you finally are free and on your own, then somehow someone comes along that makes you want to be in a couple again. When you are single, as Carrie Bradshaw so eloquently has said, you tend to be viewed as a threat to all the significant others of those who find you attractive, who fear you are out to end their relationship’hellip;.I hope that that particular guy I am referring to is reading this column of mine; I want him to know that until he is single himself, it is okay if he wants me too. Just think of me for now, so your girlfriend does not think of me as another evil single woman.

    Even with that occupational hazard of being a single girl, I still can not say I hate being single. Single people can be lonely, but so can many people in relationships, as I have observed recently.

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