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The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman


    Ask Stella Starr

    Dear Stella,
    I have been dating this girl, Alice* for a few weeks now, when a hook-up of the past re-entered my life, Jenna*. Jenna and I had hooked up for a few months last semester, and then it ended over the summer. Before coming back to school, I had just met Alice, and we began dating. I really like Alice, but I still have feelings for Jenna. I’m afraid that if I keep hanging out with Jenna, those feelings might overcome mine for Alice. At the same time, I do not want to offend Jenna by not hanging out with her anymore. What should I do?

    Lost Lesbian

    Dear Lost,
    It seems that you’re stuck in a pretty sticky situation here. Since your relationship is fresh with Alice, I think you should give it a chance and see how things go with it. Your feelings for Jenna may be phantom and basically reminiscent of last year, so they may not be sincere. You need to think before you make any definite choices for this one.

    From what I understand, although your relationship is fresh, it seems that you guys have a pretty good thing going. It does not make sense to throw away something new for something of the past. Often things left in the past were put there and left there for a reason, and are not meant to come back.

    It does not seem fair to Alice for you to like Jenna, but since she doesn’t know at this point, it may be best to leave that alone and push your ‘feelings’ for Jenna aside. Jenna should also be considerate enough to know you have a girlfriend, and to leave that situation alone. If you feel that Jenna is intentionally flirtatious or overly friendly, let her know, and make it clear that you only want to be friends. It does not seem fair to completely cut off the friendship with Jenna, but perhaps you’d want to take a break from hanging out excessively, in order to give your new relationship with Alice time to develop.

    Sincerely Yours,
    Stella Starr

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