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The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman


    Ask Stella Starr

    Dear Stella Starr,

    As of now, I hate college! College is supposed to be a break from parents, curfews, and dietary restrictions. My problem is that my friends have now become my mother! When I don’t return to my room until late night, they must know where I’ve been. I know they care about me, but enough already! I don’t want to inform them where I am, what I have eaten, or when I’ll be back at an ungodly hour! How can I tell them this without hurting their feelings?

    Thanks, Frustrated with Friends

    Dear Frustrated,
    Sounds like your friends are taking matters into their own hands and not regarding your personal space or privacy. I know this sounds blunt, but be a little mean. Disregard their questions and give them a bit of the silent treatment.

    This may distance them from you for a bit, but this may seem like the best deal in such a case. You have come to college to enjoy life, become independent, and have a life-altering experience. If they are really nagging you (like your mother!) as you say, then you need to be a little harsh. There is no other solution.

    Telling them nicely will just make them seem that you are uncomfortable with it, but ultimately alright with the current setup (they ask, you respond). Acting harshly, by letting them know you care for them as friends, not as family members such as your mom.

    Give them a few days to cool down, and try out the ‘no response’ method. This may help out in the long run: and not just you either! They will realize they need to concern themselves with their own affairs, and not yours! Good luck with school and I hope things work out for you!

    Sincerely Yours,
    Stella Starr

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