‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ With all this hullabaloo about a war, we forget about the important things in life, like cheese.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ There are all types of cheese: American cheese, Monterey Jack cheese, Pepper Jack cheese, Munster cheese, Cottage cheese, Goat cheese, Feta cheese, the cheese with the holes in it and some other types of cheese.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ What I’m trying to say here is that when you have cheese, war isn’t as much of an issue. Do you think that the famished citizens of Iraq would be discontented with their dictator and annoyed with Americans if they could have all the cheese they could eat? I don’t think so.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ I have been researching the whole issue of cheese to contentment ratio, and I find that states in which cheese consumption is at least three slices per day, the level of economic and social stability is at least 3% higher than in those states that eat less than three slices. Statistics like that just can’t be coincidental.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ My own family has a policy of devouring four to five slices of good hearty cheese a day. Whether in the form of a sandwich, on top of Tostitos, on fruit or just plain out of the bag, we get in our daily intake of that zesty curdled milk. It doesn’t surprise me that my parents are currently not divorced, my siblings and I all go to college and none of us have spent any time in jail.

‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ ‘ I am convinced that if we parachute canisters of cheese onto the strongholds of Iraq, like maybe Baghdad and the some other place where there are a lots of important Iraqi people, we can put a definitive end to this war.

Iraqis have spent too much time without a hint of flavor in their turkey sandwiches. How would you feel if your masterpiece of a deli sandwich has turkey, lettuce, tomatoes and mayonnaise, but no cheese? Personally, I can understand where they are coming from. Without cheese, I would probably challenge an international superpower to war, too.