I had the most amazing feeling after I stepped out of the movie theater following an early screening of ‘The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.’ I’ve had this same feeling – speechless, dizzy, mind-numbing awe – shortly after I saw ‘American Beauty,’ ‘The Matrix’ and ‘A.I. Artificial Intelligence.’ But this time it was different. Mostly because after ‘The Two Towers,’ I almost biffed it and fell on my ass outside of the theater.
Sure, the film blew my skirt up, but it didn’t make me physically fall over. The quarter of an inch of ice on the sidewalk was what nearly caused me to fall, break my tailbone and call Jay Trucks ‘ Associates, dropping a serious frickin’ lawsuit on the movie theater. (Trucks is an attorney who takes on injury cases and does those commercials – he’s a CMU alumnus, too.)
Speaking of tail: How come Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen) is the only one in Middle-Earth who has the chance to get it? Not only does he have Arwen (Liv Tyler) on his tip, but he now has Eowyn (Miranda Otto) chasing him around. What gives? What about my boy, Legolas (Orlando Bloom)? Doesn’t he deserve some play for his bad-ass bow-working abilities? It’s pretty funny, but USA Today actually wrote a story Tuesday about how the men of the ‘Rings’ are sexy (‘Got the hots for a hobbit? Stand in line,’).
If that’s the case, then USA Today should do a story about the ladies in the film. After all,there’s Tyler (who’s hot stuff if you can get past the fact that 50 percent of her genes comes from Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler), newcomer Otto (see also: hot, hot, hot) and Cate Blanchett (who isn’t a pushover herself) as Galadriel.
Besides the fine-looking females, it’s not a stretch for me to say that ‘Two Towers’ is quite possibly is one of the best films I’ve seen in years. I’m not a film critic, though, so I’ll leave the review to my cohort Troy Reimink, Diversions Editor. His review easily is better than anything I could write. However, I suggested to Troy after we scraped monstrous sheets of ice off his car that he should start his review this way: “Two words sum up the second installation of ‘Lord of the Rings;’ Kicks ass.”
He laughed a little, but I think he was just trying to humor me because I’m his boss. It happens. You see, I’ve been a ‘Rings’ fan since I was a third-grader and read ‘The Hobbit,’ or, ‘There and Back Again.’ Maybe it was Alan Lee’s illustrations. After that, my mom bought me a special-edition boxed set of the books. But I never made it past ‘The Two Towers’ because the beginning of it is so damn boring. That’s why I was thankful that Director Peter Jackson eliminated some of the bulk of the book, such as too much information about the Ents, the walking, talking trees, and re-organized the flow ofthe story.
But, then again, there’s so much to like about the ‘Rings’ trilogy. It’s so alluring because of its sheer scope – three lengthy films shot at once. And there’s the cinematography. And the New Zealand scenery. And the interaction between characters, played by talented actors, and so on. Now, all I have to do is wait another year for ‘The Return of King’ comes out. I know I’ll be there, ice notwithstanding.
