G’day, mate. Many of you probably know by nowthat Nathan Jones is coming to the WWE. He’s been presented as adangerous convict who’s spent ten years of his life in an AustralianPrison for armed robbery. He’s had a lot of time to himself, andhe’s ready to come to the WWE to kick butt.

And at first I was looking forward to his coming. The littlevignettes that have aired of him in a prison cell, talking about his timebehind bars, impressed me. He seems like a dark, scary individual, maybe evensomeone who can improve the sagging ratings. But recent events have soured myview of Nathan Jones.

In last week’s Smarkdown rant on www.thesmarks.com, it was revealed thatNathan Jones had to have surgery in the eighties. Why? Well, it seems asthough he had taken so many steroids that he grew a mammary gland in his chestand started lactating uncontrollably. He needed the surgery to get it takenout. This was the biggest laugh I had all semester. I knew if a guy tookenough steroids he could grow a breast, but had no idea it would be in workingorder. Not only is Nathan Jones a WWE superstar, he’s also a hulkinglesson in biochemistry. If there were more people like Nathan Jones, willingto take so many steroids, world hunger would be a thing of the past.

The bigger problem is with his wrestling abilities.His character thus far is great, but his in-ring ability is proving to bedismal. At six feet ten inches tall, Nathan Jones is another classic exampleof a big man that cannot wrestle. Smackdown certainly needs more of them,with Hogan and Ass-train there to stink up the ring. I suppose I can’tpass a final judgment on the guy because I haven’t seen him wrestle, butthe initial outlook isn’t good. In a house show last weekend, he injuredMatt Hardy’s ankle, which is terrible. Well, the WWE doesn’treally care, I’m sure, because Jones is eight inches taller and moremuscular than Hardy is. Matt Hardy also lacks the ability to breast feed. Atrue in-ring professional does not injure their opponent.

Only time will tell what his impact on the WWE is.My prediction is that he will leave a trail of injured and brokencruiserweights to eventually have a really bad match with Brock Lesnar. Buthey, the Australian accent is really cool.

Email Mike on the Mat at [email protected] with yourharrowing tales of male breastfeeding.