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The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

The Student News Site of Stony Brook University

The Statesman

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    Gigantic Wang Donation

    Coming on the heels of James Simons historic $60 million donation, Wang has decided to up the ante with a gigantic deposit of his own. Reports have surfaced that the mercurial billionaire is prepared to give Stony Brook $500 million dollars for a state of the art stadium, a recreation center and a gift shop filled with shirts, mugs and folders adorned with images of Wang.

    “After the Wang center’s success I really see an opportunity for more at Stony Brook,” Wang said in an official press conference Sunday. ” Though I am not the Wang who gave the donation for the Wang center I believe that a Wang’s donation should be the biggest. Us Wang’s have to stick together.”

    “I’m really excited to see this gigantic Wang..,”said sophomore Brian Morgan before swatting away a fly. He continued, “Where was I? Oh yes, this huge Wang donation has me excited for the future of Stony Brook. And since I’m a sophomore I might even get to benefit from the new constructions!” When shown the official release and plans for Stony Brook, Morgan said, “I can’t wrap my head around it. It really is big!”

    A close friend and former colleague of Wang said “He’s done some crazy stuff before, but this tops it all. I haven’t seen Wang go this big in years.” He clarified his statement by explaining that in the billionaire circles that Wang runs in, he has been viewed as soft in recent years. But with “one stroke, Wang made his presence felt,” he said.

    Donald Trump responded to the press conference with a mix of bemusement and bouts of anger. In his trademark tone he said “Wang’s gift to Stony Brook isn’t that special. I’ve given away bigger sums based on a whim. All in all, Wang came up small.” When reporters continued to pepper Trump with questions he became animated and raised his voice saying, “Wang’s not that big where I’m from! My hair is real and my cars are amazing and fast and have lots of horses and I date models. I am not compensating for a thing!”

    Plans to break ground on the stadium have been put on hold because Wang can not decide on what he wants to call his new creations. Wang Field and Wang Park are in the running and favored by Stony Brook administrators while Wang Stadium is not. Wang who owns Impressive Looks, a modeling agency is said to be strongly considering Impressive Wang Field as a compromise. Oddly, Stony Brook administrators are strongly against this name.

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