It’s late night, you’re bored and flipping through a misery of TV shows. You have to make the ultimate choice – David Letterman, the anti-social jerk who keeps out of behind-the-scenes guerilla warfare or Jay Leno, who leads over Letterman in both ratings, money, age and good looks.

I’m talking Letterman’s 4.3 million viewers and 40,000 for a 30-second commercial being towered by Leno’s 5.7 million viewers and 60,000 for the same commercial. Letterman falls third to Leno’s ‘Tonight Show’ on CBS.

But let’s forget about numbers for a second. Let’s focus on the talk. You can’t deny Leno’s charm as a stand-up comedian (I’m not even sure Letterman can stand upright) considering the great deal of NBC censorship.

Leno’s jokes are sexual and most people will complain about their perverted nature. But you know, it’s late night! Go to bed if you get nightmares over this. Sexual subversion today demands Leno’s comic outlook on life and not Letterman’s niceties. And at that late in the night, I just want to indulge in some senseless deviant comedy, instead of tough penetrating questions.

My message to Letterman and his fans is simply this – you lost once to Leno on NBC, take that as a sign and go deal with it. And even though Leno stands two inches shorter than you, he can do much better standing up than you could ever do sitting down (the position you most seem comfortable in).