Love is in the air — or at least in Google Forms. For our annual Sex and Relationships special issue, The Statesman asked the Stony Brook University community questions about love, romance and cultural perspectives. Compared to previous years, this survey was fairly wholesome. But, don’t worry, we still have some unfiltered (and occasionally eyebrow-raising) responses. Here’s what some Seawolves had to say:

Demographics:

Out of all of our respondents, 68.8% were female, 18.8% were male and 10.4% were nonbinary. To the one respondent that said they were “trans fem,” we hope that you’re having a wonderful girlhood!

Class standing-wise, we had a diverse mix: 10.4% freshmen, 18.8% sophomores, 33.3% juniors, 29.2% seniors and 8.3% graduate students.

As for sexual orientation, 39.6% of respondents identified as straight, down 10.9% from last year. Meanwhile, 37.5% identified as bisexual, 8.3% as lesbian and 0% as gay. Other responses included asexual, asexual lesbian, aromantic/asexual, queer, pansexual and questioning. We love to see the aromantic/asexual representation! As for the one person who answered “N/A” … what exactly do you mean? Do you not believe in sexuality?

Do you think discussing sex with your partner is important?

97.9% of you said that discussing sex with your partner was important. To the 2.1% that said “not sure,” maybe the encouraging words of your fellow Seawolves will teach you what your sex education class didn’t:

• “i think it’s important to be on the same wavelength sexually too since it’s important to be aligned physically as well as emotionally.”
• “Yes because YOU WANNA GET FREAKY!”
• “It’s important to be able to talk about things like sex especially if it’s long term , you don’t want to be stuck with someone who you love everything about but they don’t know you hate the way they pleasure you.”
• “As someone who is asexual, it was really important to discuss sex with my partner. The act of sex doesn’t bother me but I don’t derive much enjoyment from it while my partner very much enjoys it and needs it. Because of this, I believe that it was necessary to discuss how we can both be happy in our relationship and communication between partners are always important.”
• “Without communication, how are you supposed to be made aware of your partners likes and dislikes, and vice versa? … If you’re looking to fake an orgasm, go ahead and shut up about it though. I’m not here to disrespect aspiring actors.”
• “if you can’t talk about it you shouldn’t do it”
• “The difference between friends and [a] partner is that [a] partner is the best friend with sex together.”

How important is sex in your romantic relationship?

This question had people somewhat divided. 8.3% of respondents said sex was the most important aspect of their romantic relationships, 35.4% said it was important, 35.4% said it depends and 20.8% said not at all.

When did you lose your V-card?

The average age of our survey-takers losing their virginity was 17.

We had one respondent say that they lost their virginity at age 0. We did not include this in our calculations, but more importantly, do you need to talk to someone about this? Counseling and Psychological Services provides six free sessions per semester to every Stony Brook undergraduate student. We strongly encourage you to look into therapy.

The rest of our respondents said varying versions of N/A, but we wanted to highlight two responses: “I am NOT answering that” and “um … ”

Thanks for sharing your answers with the class!

Craziest place you’ve ever had sex?

What locations do we have to avoid on our beautiful Stony Brook campus? According to our data, car sex, bathroom sex and beach sex were some common responses we got. To the people who said our mom’s place, how original! Here are some of our other favorite responses:

• “A dorm? But me and [my] ex made out in a temple.”
• “I’ve only done it at her place :)”
• “I’m boring 😔”
• “Jasmine @ SBU campus”
• “Staller”
• “Pool locker”
• “behind the public park shed 😭”
• “gender neutral bathroom at hsc 3rd floor (same floor as the lib)”
• “his moms car, sorry steph!!”
• “my uh fwb wants to do it in the car at south p 😬but we have only been in her dorm (she is loud 😬😭🥸)”
• “student section @ross aide stadium”

Have you ever been in a relationship?

Now, let’s dive into the relationships aspect of our annual survey! A solid 77.1% said yes, while 22.9% said no. To all of our survey-takers, we’ll just say: it’ll happen when you least expect it … or whatever advice people usually give.

Do you think cultural backgrounds influence how people view romantic relationships?

The survey says absolutely! Every single respondent agreed that cultural backgrounds influence romantic relationships, though their explanations varied:

• “regardless of background, i think people’s individual concept of romantic relationships are different to begin with but cultural background do take part in shaping certain views on it.”
• “nathanial ellis gehrz believes brian women are crazy”
• “I am muslim therefore my relationship is pretty traditional (male dominant female submissive)”
• “[Upbringing] change[s] people’s views on what’s right or wrong.”
• “Different cultures have different conceptions of love. My parents were in an arranged marriage. This affects the way I view marriage as opposed to others.”
• “Different cultures have various ways of showing affection, some believe public displays of affection are taboo while others believe it is important to display a loving relationship, especially to their kids. Seeing different practices in ones parents or family members relationships can influence how they show love or affection.”
• “I was in an interracial relationship with a white man (I’m black) and it was heavily frowned upon by my non-white peers. I understand why now that we’re broken up and they were valid in their concerns.”
• “Not me personally but more so for me having an easier time explaining things to my parents”

Would you ever be in an interracial relationship?

Here we had some more varying responses. To some comments, we just want to ask: who hurt you? What’s the lore behind you?

75% percent of respondents said “yes,” 12.5% said “no,” 8.3% said “maybe” and 4.2% said “not sure.” Let’s see what the reasoning was behind the responses:

• “I’ve just never been in a situation where I’ve been talking to someone who is another race.”
• “I’ve been in an interracial relationship. It doesn’t affect anything; there was just more to learn about them and their culture, and it was super fun learning about all that.”
• “I’ve had sex with Latina girls but I’m only trying to marry a brown girl.”
• “Saying no is absolutely racist and I look down upon people who wouldn’t date someone because of their race no matter what ‘justifications’ they give”
• “I have been in one and it didn’t go well , I think it’s smart to date within your race if you don’t want your relationship to be like a full time job where you’re a getting paid 5 dollars a hour.”
• “Although my own culture is important to me, I believe culture is meant to be shared with others. It would make me like someone more if they were appreciative of a culture that isn’t their own.”
• “I used to think no, because I truly thought that partners of the same race understood me best, however now being in an interracial relationship, I found it much more valuable to be with someone who is of a different race, who I can have new experiences with.”
• “I don’t think I’ve ever been in a relationship with a white man simply due to the stark differences in life and cultural experiences, but I would be open to other cultures.”
• “Yes! I look for the person inside and nothing else.”

Is religion important to you to have in a relationship?

Opinions were split: 18.8% said it was important, 41.7% said it wasn’t, 29.2% said “maybe” and 10.4% were “unsure.”

You’ve certainly given us some food for thought, and maybe some unsolicited advice:

• “it depends on the religion, but i’m not religious so if they are and they plan to force me to follow their religion then that’s a no go for me and vice versa.”
• “I have a weird relationship with religion so it really depends on how strict the other person is about religion but I’m not too religious anyways.”
• “I’m not religious. It’s important to my parents but I’ll cross that bridge when I get there”
• “It depends everyone is on their own spiritual journey and have their own views on religion however I think it’s safest to at least date in your own religion to an extent especially if you’re dating for the long run religion will come up in the future when families mix and it’s better to avoid mixing the big 3 : Christianity , Islam , and Hinduism”
• “it’s important in that i want to raise my child in the catholic religion. if my partner doesn’t want to do so, we are going to have some serious disagreements, possibly meaning that we don’t have a sustainable future together”
• “I’m atheist so I would prefer someone who isn’t super religious or not religious at all. I think with today’s political era, religious beliefs have been used as an excuse for bad morale and behaviors.”
• “i’m not religious and can’t date someone who is very religious”

What is your top love language?

The winner? 52.1% of respondents said quality time was their top language. That might explain why the Frank Melville Jr. Memorial Library is always packed with study dates, right?

We also had a second-place tie! 16.7% of respondents said their top love language is acts of service and another 16.7% said physical touch was theirs. Next, 8.3% said words of affirmation were their top love language. Coming in last, at 6.2%, is gift giving. To those who rely on gifts to express love, we hope your wallets are holding up.

Do you think understanding your/your partner’s love language is important?

85.4% of respondents were adamant that understanding your and your partner’s love language is important in a relationship. 6.3% said “no,” another 6.3% of survey-takers said “not sure” and 2.1% said “maybe.”

To those who aren’t sure about why people think understanding love languages is important, check out what our Seawolf community has to say:

• “Not everyone is to be loved the same way. We all have different needs in love.”
• “Because that is how they will feel loved this is a pretty trivial question.”
• “Both you and your partner should feel loved.”
• “It’s just considerate , if you really love someone you should take the time to understand them as best as you can , and also be willing to compromise with each others love languages because it’ll definitely help in the end with the strength and security of your partnership”
• “How else am I supposed to know what works best for them?”
• “Yes! It is important to know how your partner shows their love so you can show yours right back!”
• “It’s to show respect for the other person and to show that you care for them and love them.”

What do you look for in a romantic partner?

Honestly, this was our favorite question to ask because our priorities are certainly all over the place. At The Statesman, we want to personally highlight one response. Whoever responded to our survey with “roth IRA,” you’re so real for that because honestly, we love financial stability in these unstable times! Secure that bag!

A roth IRA is an individual retirement account that offers tax-free growth and withdrawals. Only contributions to the account are taxed, making this type of investment highly appealing to employees.

Let’s see what our Seawolves are looking for in a romantic partner. Maybe this will help all of the single people out there to help bag a baddie:

• “Sweetness and sex appeal. Someone who feels a lot and makes me feel alive in turn.”
• “Funny, weird, taller than me, likes video games and anime, and I love guys who wear glasses, if he was really good looking that’d be great too”
• “Loyalty and Good Sex. I also like nice dates and cuddling a lot as well as [a] good understand[ing] of each other via deep conversation. I believe in traditional relationships as well, where the man is the provider and the woman takes care of the home.”
• “Someone who cares about me, doesn’t get tired of me, and is genuine and kind, also they have to have big muscles”
• “Someone who is okay with just being romantically intimate and not sexually intimate. Someone who’s funny and would go along with silly banter. They would be nice and like similar movie/show genres as me because otherwise movie nights would suck a**”
• “Someone who respects women”
• “Cooking & cleaning”

If there’s one takeaway from this year’s survey, it’s that love at Stony Brook is blurry. At its core, Seawolves want to be understood, respected and — at least for some — taken on thoughtful dates with plenty of cuddles. To all of you: whether you’re single, taken or still figuring it out, may you find the kind of love that makes you happiest. And, maybe keep sex away from your mom’s car.